supping over coffee and mashed potatoes
i chanced upon a memory i thought i had safely tucked away.

suprisingly, i am feeling okay.
in fact, i am feeling better than okay.

i think this is a little something they call 'numb'. (although i really hate its melodramatic connotations)

clinic - come into our room

every morning, i go through this almost ritualized process of shutting my alarm off, and lie in bed for "a minute or two", you know, just to rest my eyes a little.

yeah whatever. we all know what happens next.

i dont get that. i mean granted most people re-set their snoozer alarms about 10 times before finally waking up...but this is entirely different. shutting the snoozer off and deciding to lie in bed with my eyes closed is a conscious decision of a mind too deluded for its own good. this is like lynn saying she wants to take public transport every morning. you see? DELUDED.

in other news, i am so upset they moved LAX to wednesdays. and in yet other news, the new season of the OC begins next week. fucking stoked about that because re-runs are getting so tired.

halloween this weekend. i hope i finish up my work soon so i can go get smashed.


brand new - the quiet things noone ever knows

i would like to pull my eyeballs out and massage them a little if i could.

after a short sleeping stint, i am up again to tackle the rest of my exam material and all would be fine except that i am wretchedly tired. and my motherfucking eyeballs are an almost vibrant hue of red.

my nose is runny, i have caffeine jitters, my hands are red and swollen from pages upon pages of handwritten notes. and then some.

i feel like fucking crap.

i might also point out that my current state of social disjointment has reduced me to a fucking freak. (i just caught myself talking OUT LOUD to myself)

i want to go back to yesterday. or maybe some four months ago.


taking back sunday - you're so last summer


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addendum@11.12am:
i am weird like that. i have an exam in two hours but what i find myself really stressing out over is how the fuck im going to get a parking space. and i really really want to sleep. maybe i will spend the next 15 minutes figuring out what im going to wear to school.

and i can't stop thinking about what sam said yesterday. "what was that girl's name? sally-anne?" HAHA. i am sorry but it is too freaking funny. lynn, kev, i hope you are getting this because me laughing by myself is not that fun after the first 5 minutes.

what i miss about you/why i love you so

pouring through n-dub-dew over coffee. saying hi to mummy over the phone. making me act in your movie. your banana ginger shakes. you bringing me to school on the first day. sharing food all the time. teaching me the ways of shanghainese. your 6am hug at the airport. walking back to brunswick st..and back. scolding me when im bad. yangyangs when i've been good. holding hands. bumping and grinding at next blue. crying your eyes out at Passion. sharing your coffee with me after i've spilt mine. giving up your bed to me that first morning. how you know exactly when im lying. sharing two dozen oysters. you chose me over her. you pretend to be doing your work and then i catch u watching L word. you laugh at my hair and refuse to let me in. because you tell me what i need to hear. obsessing over paradise hotel. because you taught me to let go.

time and time again, you've stood up for me, you've protected me. you've made sure that you were the only one who could say mean things to me (haha). you are my personal angel. if i didnt love you this much, i'd feel almost inadequate next to you :) i hate hearing you talk like you are less. you are incredible and i love you just the way you are.

i miss you too.


maroon 5 - sweetest goodbye

who moves just as its getting colder?
uhm, my parents, thats who.

its almost funny. except when i think about moving car loads of stuff in shin-deep snow, all i really want to do is cry.

we've spent the past couple days putting things away and apparently, we've got alot of things. the house looks no tidier/emptier than it did when we first started, the walls aren't repainted, and neither has the carpet been deodorized.

we're excited about moving for the large part, but along with temperatures in the teens, a general sense of inertia has also set in. (exams, papers, projects etc not helping either)

(well, thats my excuse for my absence anyway. that and a generally unpleasant temperament)

so welcome to sunny suburbia: backyard pool, landscaping out front, and the proverbial picket fence. we've sold out to the Dream. we've become your archetypal american family.

the thing is, im starting to think that maybe its not such a bad thing after all.


talib kweli - around my way